A few things that your local mechanic will love you for

As a bicycle mechanic who deals daily in service, consultation and repair, it goes hopefully without to much saying that there are some very small and very big things that help make both our day as well as yours go far smoother than not.  To help put an end to the stereotypical trope that is the "grumpy mechanic", this post is a attempt to talk about some of these things that we as mechanics/sales people/consultants notice, endure and try our best to deal with in the bike shop setting.

We are your friend.. at least most of us are

The bike shop is a sacred place where sacred things happen; bike stuff.  We are here working in this industry because it is our innate calling to do so.  Although many of us didn't ask to be sucked into the gravitational pull that is the world of wrenching, sales ect, here we are; and whether we show it all the time or not, the probability is high that most of us absolutely love being in such a place.  To not only be around this stuff all day but also help others with similar interest is godsend that only few of us have the luxury of engaging in at the professional level.  In a previous post i have talked about the massively broad spectrum of ups and downs that come with the territory; but for better or worse, we are here because we want to be, and we want to help you.

Yes that is correct: at the end of the day the bicycle shop employee has one job; to cater to your needs.  Regardless of what that means in the moment, we are usually doing our absolute best to juggle your individual desires as well as a handful of others.  But really, we need your help.  We catch alot of complaints, insanely high expectations and unrealistic deadlines (often time not even agreed upon).  Though we are expected to work magic, and though this is sometimes possible, more often than not we just barely managing to balance the act in such a way where everyone is at least somewhat happy when it is all said and done.  

As bicycle shop customers/hommies/bums/volunteers there are indeed some things that you can do that will massively contribute to the overall experience on our end, particularly those who are less patient and understanding than others.

 somehow this mechanic working out of a suitcase on the ground is more stoked
 to be wrenching on your pile of bike than the next.
Gets friendly compliments and free smokes?

A small list with big implications

1. We are open when we are open. - Catching me slip through the gate as you wait forty five minutes before hours of operation is not an invitation to pry your way in and make yourself at home.  The fact of the matter is that we have a mountain of things to catch up on before we actually "open".  Please wait patiently as we get our dysfunctional mess of a bike family together so as to allow for an experience that is tenfold in enjoyment factor.
2. Whatever you do, for the love of god, please do not bring us your bike looking like it was dipped in a swamp, frozen for thirty years and then thawed ten minutes prior to arriving.  When taking your 1990-something, automatic Ford Taurus to the local garage for the obligatory transmission rebuild, there is no way in your right mind that you would expect the mechanic, covered in grease and gunk and yesterdays midday munchies to detail your interior and wash your entire car: expect laughs, invoices and wrenches to fly your way.  At the shop we are happy to give your bike a nice once over wipe down, but please understand that a full bath can sometimes take as long the repair itself.  Being that labor and resources simply can not hang with such expectations, please be so kind as to bring your bike in at least semi clean.  Oh, and please don't try to help out by giving your bike a bath in wd40.
3. Tips/donations are optional (wink wink).  Most of the time, we are bending over backwards to do what it takes to keep you on the road for that early morning commute or mid day weekend ride you have been planning for way too long.  By all means, please feel free to throw something in the beer fund.
4. Do not act surprised if we splice in seemingly unwarranted input.  A huge chunk of our job is to be realistic, honest and vocal with regards to so much of what goes with bike stuff.  Most of us speak from experience (and sometimes not so much every once and a while) and usually know what it is that we are talking about.  If we don't find it in your best interest to squeeze the 26 x 1.25 presta valved tube into your schrader drilled rim sporting a 2.35 tire, please understand that we are trying to save your life.
5. All mystique aside, we are mere mortals.  Bike wrenching seems to carry this clout of unspoken wizardry that grants us a supposedly divine ability to power our way through a 25 bike Q in the inconceivable span of 4 days... right? Wrong; labor gets tied up in cyclical bike shop banter, unaccounted mechanical issues, endless streams of walk in customers, fatigue, answering phone call after phone call (while wrenching at the same time usually), ect.  We try to get to you and your beloved bike as soon as we can, but priority is first come first serve.  If the other 24 bikes in that Q predate yours, you will have to just mount up that "winter" bike on the trainer and hope that Zwift gets you through the week, because regardless of that century ride or weekend race, your bike may or may not be done.  Please wait for us to call you and let you know. 
6. No, that one bike or kit won't make you faster.  To end it here and now, Shimano Dura Ace will not make you faster than last years Ultegra.  Loosing five pounds off your belly will grant you innumerable gains in all things Bike-Fast in a far more substantial way than upgrading your already expensive groupo of last season to the head ache inducing, astronomically over priced new buzz kit of the moment. Mercx was once quoted saying "don't upgrade, ride up grades".

Now that we got that out of the way, lets pour a pint or two and make it a
point to remember why we are here in the first place...

The "Green" paradox

 With the world we are all equally a part of reaching the peak of its available resources, we must see our rampant hunger for the next best thing as a key proponent in perpetuating a steady sequence of detrimental waves upon our microcosm of life.  We talk and hear about cycling as being supposedly so "green" and "sustainable" with little regard to the simple fact that all of this stuff has to come from somewhere.  With new sub-sub-genres that irrationally generate new niches that us ever so hungry cycling consumers must gobble up, we further dig ourselves into the self defeating hole of what I would like to call non-green cycling.

my neighbor pulling up in his van after having visited with his
LBS and acquiring a bike for every must have nu-style of riding.  

What is green anyway?

Maybe answering the aforementioned question is easier by addressing what is not green as opposed to taking a stab at pinning down the ever fleeting marketing trends that gallivant about while wearing the "green" label on their sleeves.  Running through a brand new frame every year due to promised gains in speed, aerodynamics and lightweight is not green.  Buying new kit simply because pros and peers are doing it is not green.  Destroying cycling gear that was designed on the razors edge of durability/reliability every other season (thinking paper thin gears, ultra lightweight and under built wheels/frame and relatively untested fill in the blank designs/materials/bonding methods/electronics/ultra soft tires ect....) is not green.  Owning thirteen bikes that were all designed to fill ultra niche cycling related activities is not green.  Driving SUVs and trucks to good cycling spots (be it road or trail) just to ride is not particularly green either.  Are you beginning to catch my drift here?  The waste factor involved in facilitating our so called green activity of cycling is not always so clean after all.  In fact, I am very much of the opinion that depending on how one carries about it, cycling can and often is one of the least green recreational activities out there.

youth learning how to service their own bikes as opposed to buying
into the notion that its time for a new one. (yes, that is indeed
a serviceable, real world bicycle)

Its all petrol

Regardless of whether or not we choose to look at it, every single facet of our bicycles are derived in one way or another from some form of petroleum.  Be it the plastics in your shifters, the vulcanization process in rubber tires,  the absolutely toxic nature of epoxy resins and carbon fibers that compose most new "high end" frames or simply the packaging, distribution and reallocation processes involved in getting that new XTR derailleur to the front door: oil was involved in the process, and lots of it.  Even with less toxic materials like steel and aluminum, a tremendous amount of oil is consumed during the extraction, refinement, forging and forming process.  There is really no other way to look at it: more and more stuff means a directly paralleled correlation in natural resource demand.

If we can make it a habit to regularly keep the aforementioned in our field of view we can use, purchase, share and re purpose with a new sense of vigor.  Making due with that 2 or 3 year old mountain bike and its seemingly "obsolete" suspension tech of yesteryear or seeing to it that the bike you or your children outgrew makes its way into someone else's hands as opposed to a scrap yard (the process of recycling is not green either: petrol being the main energy source in such a process) are the kind of things that really make a difference here.  Replacing spokes instead of wheels, rebuilding derailleurs instead of upgrading and gifting instead of scraping are incredibly important acts in an industry that like so many others, tends to center its business models around planned obsolescence and daily performance-gain induced upgrading.

a child (and a man behind) scrape by on what are probably retrofitted/re purposed
discarded bikes while recycling rubber from what appear to be tires and other various
items (I.E our shit)

Your Junk is an other's gold

Though it might seem like i am overselling the message here, the bottom line is that most of what we cast away can be used for a good chunk of time by someone out there.  Though I have lots of wasteful purchases on my track record, I have tried to make the bulk of my purchasing second hand whenever and however I can.  Building bikes primarily from older and often vintage components allows the life expectancy of many seemingly obfuscated parts and frames to see another day out in the world.  It is only when we allow ourselves to be convinced that we need a multitude of seemingly redundant tools for seemingly overlapping purposes that we fall into the classic consumerist trap.  By being critically thinking and questioning the status quo we can make progress with the incredible volumes of waste and over consumption that has us in the peak-everything condition that we are today.

Falling in love with "do it all" bikes

Thin walled steel frames, 700c wheels with 28c tires, narrow handlebars and racy geometry: this fragment about sums up the first 5 years of my cycling as well as a portion of the last 5.  In the pursuit to ride more rugged road and choose different lines throughout the city's inconsistency I began riding fat(er) tired bikes in 2013 and have been an avid all around cyclist ever since.  With a fondness for road, mountain, BMX and cyclocross I have become influenced by and incorporated a wide spectrum of cycling styles into my riding.  Being able to jump on a single bike and do most things was massively attractive to me in the quest to have more unhindered fun.  For some time now I have been infatuated with the idea of making the most out of bicycle builds by utilizing a jack of all trades style mentality; even while riding dedicated road or mountain bikes up until recently.  Simply put; to be capable of tackling a little bit of everything is what characterizes a well rounded bicycle in my eyes.  So here I am today, disenchanted almost entirely with the myriad bicycle genres that seem to do a great job of limiting our cycling experience by being so heavily refined.

You cant get something for nothing 

Road bikes are fun, fast, light weight and super nimble.  They can allow you to travel vast distances with relatively little effort and are great at what it is they are designed to do; ride well on solid road surfaces.  From super clean tarmac to ultra rough pave, the road bike has its place and has indeed proven itself time and time again by granting riders the ability to traverse great lengths quickly; but at a cost of course. The road bike boasts its short chain stays, narrow bars, aggressive geometry, high gearing, and ultra light weight with no attention paid to what it sacrifices in the process: durability, suspension, comfort, poor low speed handling and inadequate gearing for sustained hills are the first that come to mind.  Though the road bike is wonderful and important, it is certainly not for everyone in having its limits.

Four different ways of saying that these bikes are all more or less the same.
Drop bars, 700c wheels, similar tire sizes, brake hoods, high gearing for speed, and
thin walled carbon, aluminum or steel frames with very similar geometry.

Mountain bikes are conversely outstanding and fun while embodying the opposite end of the aforementioned spectrum.  Super relaxed geometry, suspension forks and shocks, mega beefy frame construction (usually), soft compound tires with super tall and widely spaced knobs and ultra wide handlebars dictate the rugged, "off road only" nature of the modern mountain bike.  Though very effective in its elements, such bikes lack massively the moment a ride hits hard packed surfaces or tarmac.

Compromise is seemingly non existent these days within bicycles genres, granting little in terms of diversification.  Very particular goals are met by honing in on very specific attributes that constitute these niches, constricting the consumer into the purchase of a dedicated one-trick-pony.

I wanted it all, but couldn't have it

You want speed; get a road bike.  You want to ride trail; get a suspension mountain bike.  You want to ride gravel and hard pack roads; get a cyclocross bike.  You want to move around fluidly in the urban landscape; get a hybrid/city bike.  These are just the vague big categories of bicycles that most fill in the blank bike shops will carry and try to sell you. Curious as to where this is supposed to leave you, me and the next person as we lead to believe that every one of us should own at least 4 bicycles for each individual cycling related task.  Can most of us even set aside enough time to ride these bikes in a way that truly rationalizes such mentality?  Is it really incomprehensible to try and incorporate a crossover into our riding habits so as to save time, resources and money?  The answer varies massively depending on who you ask.  Big box bike industry will sell you a new bike for every style of riding at every opportunity like a shark seeking blood in water.  Though it is indeed hard to reinvent the wheel, it is easy to reinvent image and redundancy.  Taking an old concept and wrapping it up in new clothing has ultimately been the monetary saving grace of the bicycle industry for what is in my opinion the entirety of the 2000's and prior.  To see it for what it is will simultaneously hear the silent alarm of B.S.

Here is a bike that can do a bit of everything.  All day comfort for mortals: check.  Sensible gearing for the steepness
 factor: check.  Big kushy tires for suspension and a wide footprint when the terrain gets loose: check.   
Racks to move something other than your body: Check.